At the beginning of every new year, we all look forward to making it our best year yet! Make 2023 your year with this list of things to leave behind in the new year.
As human beings, we are hardwired to hold on to things. We hold on to clothes that no longer fit, relationships that drain us, clutter and so much more.
To create space for a life you absolutely adore, you’ll need to let go of everything that isn’t supporting you and is holding you back.
Reflecting on things to let go of in the new year is a yearly practice that has allowed me to live a less stressed and more intentional life.
This list is a mix of things I’ve left behind in the past years and a few new things I want to be rid of this year.
Things To Leave Behind In The New Year
- Dwelling On The Past
- Fear of the Future
- Making Excuses
- Limiting Beliefs
- Seeking External Validation
- Things You Can’t Change / Control
- Fantasy Self Clutter
- Overspending
- Self Doubt
- People Pleasing
- Toxic Relationships
- Bad habits
- Perfectionism
- Bodily Insecurities
- Bottling Up Emotions
- Resentment
- Overscheduling
- Giving Away Power
- Scarcity Mindset
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Things To Leave Behind In The New Year
Most of us start the year with lofty goals but how many of us actually achieve the goals we set out for ourselves? According to a study by the University of Scranton, only 8% of people who set goals actually achieve them.
We get so caught up in constantly ‘doing’, we overlook reflecting on the way we’ve been doing things all this while. And just maybe, taking the time to pause and reflect on ‘what NOT to do’ is how to have the best year yet.
Without further delay, here are 19 things to leave behind in the new year!
Dwelling On The Past
How often do you catch yourself thinking about the past? I think it’s safe to say everyone does from time to time.
However, how you think about the past matters. The past can be a pleasant teachable moment or a daunting memory that stops you from living.
If you dwell on how things could have gone differently, it’s not going to benefit you in any way presently.
The past is valuable, however, dwelling on it is not. No matter how much you think about something in the past there is nothing you can do to change it now.
It is important to remember who you are and the life you’ve lived but do not let it take up too much space in the present moment. The present moment is the only moment in time that you have access to right now.
Sometimes you need to let things go, and the best you can do is to learn from your past. What you can change however is the narrative about your past. This may help you release any negative feelings attached to the past and find ease in the now.
Fear of the Future
The future is a mystery and there is no way any one of us can know what tomorrow holds. We, humans, are not big fans of mystery. We’re creatures of routine and habit, and uncertainty causes stress to us.
As new situations arise in life, it’s normal to worry and be fearful about the future.
Whenever you picture a negative outcome to a future scenario, take a pause and bring yourself back to the present moment.
Your worries are not your reality, and you shouldn’t let them rule your life. You’ll never truly live if you’re always guarding yourself against your worries.
Your fears should not stop you from making plans, having dreams, and simply living your best life. Take one step forward at a time without giving too much thought to what lies far ahead.
“Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. – Babe Ruth
Making Excuses
I believe that all of us are incredibly powerful beings that can change the world, however, we need to stop making excuses for ourselves.
Have you ever thought about the possibility that you may be the one standing in the way of your own success?
Excuses may sound like ‘i’m not capable’, ‘there’s no time’, ‘i’ll fail again’, or ‘i’ll start next month’. With every excuse you make, you’re limiting yourself from realising your full potential.
Many of us don’t realise that we’re making excuses for ourselves. We truly believe that our excuses are valid reasons, when in fact, these excuses are the only thing holding us back from the life we want.
Many of the excuses we make for ourselves are deeply rooted in our belief system, which brings us to our next point.
Limiting Beliefs
Beliefs are thoughts or ideas that you think are absolutely true about yourself and the world. A limiting belief is exactly what it is, a belief that holds you back.
We develop limiting beliefs from the people we interact with and our life experiences. Limiting beliefs can be hard to shake off but are necessary to work through to be our best selves.
An example of a limiting belief I have struggled with since becoming a mother is that ‘ I am not being a good mom when I’m away from my baby’.
Whenever I left the house I felt guilty and I was just making myself miserable. I had to really question this belief and change my perspective to start enjoying simple things like going for a walk on my own again.
Overcome your limiting beliefs this new year by questioning and challenging them. Here’s an exercise that has worked for me.
On a piece of paper, create two columns. On one side, list out the self-beliefs that you think are preventing you from growing and stepping out of your comfort zone. Next, strike out each belief and rewrite a new, positive belief in the next column.
Place this piece of paper somewhere you will see it every day, I place mine in my journal.
Let me know how you feel after the exercise in the comments below! P.S. If you found this exercise helpful, my HER Inner Journey Workbook has a whole section dedicated to beliefs. By determining which beliefs are holding us back, and which ones can help us thrive, we can reshape our belief system to support our growth in the new year.
Seeking External Validation
Do you worry about what others may think about you frequently? Do you rely on external validation to determine how well you are doing?
When we are heavily dependent on seeking external validation, we lose touch with ourselves. We may find ourselves easily adapting to the thoughts and beliefs of others without having a real sense of self.
Only feeling fulfilled and happy when others make you feel good is a big red flag. There’s so much at stake when you live a life seeking the approval of others.
You may never give yourself the opportunity to live a life you truly want. You may also feel resentment towards those whose validation you desire.
It’s okay to want validation occasionally, but the only person whose validation and support truly matters is yourself.
This year let’s get into the habit of checking in with ourselves and being our own cheerleaders.
Things You Can’t Change / Control
Most things in life are out of our control. The only thing that we are in control of, well, is ourselves.
We can choose to let the things we have zero control over stress us out or we can choose to stay grounded in the present moment.
If you find yourself overthinking about things that you can’t do anything about, redirect your energy toward what you can do to make yourself feel better.
Fantasy Self Clutter
The ‘fantasy self’ is a term that describes that version of ourselves we so terribly want to be, or want to be perceived as but we know deep down is not who we really are.
Your fantasy self could be:
- the aspiring pastry chef with all the baking tools you could ever need (who in reality prefers a yummy treat from the local shops)
- the gym enthusiast whose been holding on to a gym membership for years (but has only gone like 10 times in the entire year)
- the plant lady who keeps buying new plants, soil, fertilizer, and pots (and is also rarely ever home and has any time to care for her plants)
These have all been my “fantasies” in the past, but I had to get rid of “things” that were never me (and be responsible for the death of more plants).
Holding on to our fantasy selves and the clutter that we’ve acquired along with it stops us from wholly embracing our authenticity. Now is as good a time as any to let go of your ‘fantasy self clutter’.
How many of the things you own belong to your fantasy self?
Overspending
If you’re prone to spending more than you should on things that don’t enrich your life, it’s best for you to make overspending one of the habits to leave behind in 2022.
With credit cards and installment plans, it’s easy to go over budget these days. This year let’s focus on saving and spending money wisely.
Imagine all you can do with the money that you don’t end up spending on something you will probably use once. You can start a business, save for a holiday, or simply pay off your debt!
Self Doubt
It is normal to doubt yourself now and then, especially when you’re facing a new challenge.
However, it isn’t healthy when your self-doubt makes you feel like you are never enough or never ready to go after new experiences. This is when it starts causing you unnecessary stress which can lead to mental health issues.
If you feel like you’re not confident in your abilities and you are undeserving of your accolades despite having the skill set and experience, you might be experiencing imposter syndrome.
Self-doubt and imposter syndrome are similar and can make you shy away from new opportunities and hold you back from participating in worthy life experiences.
Every time I encounter self-doubt I use affirmations to center myself. My favorite self-doubt affirmations are:
I am enough.
I am confident in myself and I trust my abilities.
I deserve to take up space.
People Pleasing
People pleasing is a personal hurdle I am still learning to overcome. A people pleaser is someone that goes out of their way to please others even at their own expense.
As a South Asian woman, I was raised to always be agreeable, and to go out of my way to make others feel comfortable. Even if that meant compromising my values and sacrificing my own happiness.
And while being kind and selfless is all well and good, going out of my way to avoid upsetting someone or to make my family happy, became extremely tiring.
People pleasing left me with an empty cup of unmet needs and bitterness. It’s one thing to be big-hearted, but if you spend way too much energy pleasing others, you’ll lose yourself.
These days I’d rather be honest with myself than go out on a limb for someone else, and I’ve never felt better about it!
Toxic Friendships
One of the most important things to let go of to be happy is bad relationships.
Toxic friends can be gossipy, demeaning, and downright draining. Toxic friendships can negatively impact your life and well-being.
Hence, if you have friends like these, they do not deserve your time, energy, and love. And although it may a hard thing to do, especially if you’ve known them for a while, you need to part ways with them.
Having friendships that nurture us however play an integral part in our social well-being. Surround yourself with friends who are supportive, caring, and genuinely happy for you.
Bad Habits
We all have unhealthy habits that we can do without. You know the habits that get in the way of our health and hold us back from becoming the best possible version of ourselves.
Habits like:
- Unhealthy cycles of binge eating and crash dieting
- Staying up way past your bedtime when you know you can’t sleep in
- Binge drinking and going all out regularly on weekends
- Spending hours scrolling through social media or watching Netflix
It isn’t possible to change all of our bad habits all at once, but it may be a good idea to start with the few habits that are getting in your way.
According to James Clear, bad habits are how we cope with stress and boredom. A great way to break free from a bad habit is to replace it with a healthy habit that provides a similar benefit. He also suggests removing triggers, doing it with someone, and visualizing your success.
For example, when I feel the urge to binge-watch another TV series, I’m going to read a book instead. I’m also only going to watch it for an hour every night with my husband (who will be my accountability partner).
HER Inner Journey Self-Discovery & Self-Worth Workbook is designed to help you uncover what supports your growth by bringing awareness to thoughts, habits, beliefs, and actions that work together to co-create our reality. This empowers us to intentionally release or change what no longer aligns with us.
Perfectionism
I have been struggling with perfectionism for as long as I can remember. It’s the very thing that took me so long to start my blog.
Wanting to do everything in life with perfection can be very stressful. You end up placing such high standards for yourself that you simply forget how to be in the moment and enjoy the process.
Perfectionism can stall our progress and frequently lead to procrastination. One can get so caught up in the little imperfections that they never get down to completing whatever they’re doing.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded that nothing in life is perfect, and the stress involved in making sure everything is ‘perfect’ in your eyes, is not worth it.
Do your best and give yourself the grace to do things imperfectly.
Bodily Insecurities
I have never met a woman who is truly in love with her body. There is always some part of our physical appearance that we’re unhappy with and we so desperately want to hide or change.
The thing is it’s not our fault. With social media thrusting unrealistic beauty standards in our faces, we are conditioned into thinking that our very normal, healthy bodies, are not all that beautiful.
I think this should be at the top of the ‘things to let go of right now’ list. Letting our personal insecurities grow and fester can be very damaging to our self-esteem.
A huge contributing factor to our insecurities may be the amount of time we spend consuming content. According to a study, women who spend more time on social media are more unhappy with their physical appearances.
A good place to start is to limit how much time we spend online. I’m sharing a tip that has drastically changed the way I feel about using social media in a positive way.
Take a minute each week to reflect on how much time you spend online and the kind of content you have been consuming.
Has it been positive or not? If you have been obsessing over an account that hasn’t been good for your self-esteem, ask yourself:
- Why do you feel that way?
- Should you continue engaging with the account?
Only follow and engage with individuals that make you feel amazing about yourself.
Bottling Up Emotions
You probably feel like it’s safer to keep your feelings to yourself, however, it isn’t the healthiest way to get through life.
Bottling up your emotions won’t make them disappear but often leads to stress and health problems. It is important to sit with your feelings and fully experience them. Suppressing feelings may lead to a big outburst that’ll make things worse for you.
A great way to work through your emotions is to talk to someone who you trust and that won’t judge you. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the people in your life about your feelings, therapy is a great alternative.
Life gets so much lighter when you stop bottling up the way you feel and learn how to move through your emotions.
Resentment
Resentment is a negative emotional reaction toward a person or a group of people after being mistreated or wronged by them.
Resentment is probably one of the hardest on this list of things to let go of. Holding on to resentment is unhealthy in so many ways. It can also wreak havoc in your relationships as you find it hard to trust & make amends with people.
Embracing forgiveness on the other hand allows you to process negative emotions, let go of feelings of hurt, and generally, be happier.
A great yet unconventional way to deal with resentment is through self-distancing. This is the practice of creating space between you and the source of your resentment. This is done by taking a step back and removing yourself from the situation to pause and reflect instead of immediately reacting.
A study found that by practicing self-distancing from an event that triggered resentment, participants healed through problem-solving and self-reflection.
Overscheduling
In an attempt to get more done and feel more productive, we pack up our calendars with endless to-do lists, events, and activities.
We think we’ll somehow be able to do it all and sometimes we’re able to. However, it’s more likely that we’re unable to keep up the pace and that can leave us feeling defeated and extremely burnt out.
When you’re adding more to your plate it is so important to ensure that you have enough time for personal self-care. It may also be good practice to pause and reflect if whatever you’re saying ‘yes’ to is aligned with you.
Giving Away Power
Have you noticed how easy it is to give away your power? There are so many ways in which we give others power over the way we feel, think and behave.
When you
- let your toxic friends constantly disrespect you
- when you buy into someone else’s belief of what your life is supposed to be like
- when you let your partner’s bad mood negatively affect the rest of your day
When we give away our power, we weaken ourselves. And we hardly ever make a conscious effort to take back our power.
That’s mostly because we aren’t aware of when we’re giving our power away. We need to first identify how we give away our power to stop doing it.
I used to get overly caught up in how others made me feel. Now I am more aware of how I react to the way someone speaks to or behaves toward me.
When I feel like I am giving the situation too much power, I say this affirmation.
‘The way others are towards me is a reflection of themselves and not of me.’
This helps me reframe my thoughts and free myself from worrying.
Scarcity Mindset
Mindset is everything and if you are constantly stuck in a scarcity mindset, it is limiting your potential for growth and success.
Initially coined in Stephen Covey’s ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, a scarcity mindset is when you believe that you have limited or a lack of resources.
You feel like there is never enough time, enough money, enough love, or material things. And you end up focusing on the lack thereof rather than what you do have.
An easy way to start developing an abundant mindset (which is the polar opposite of a scarcity mindset) is to start practicing gratitude daily. I personally like to do this first thing in the morning, it’s a great way to become aware of all you have instead of being fixated on what you lack.
Waiting To Be Ready
Are you the type of person that puts your dreams on hold while waiting to be ready? If you are, well, here’s the truth, you’ll never be completely ready.
Whatever your aspirations are, the first step toward achieving them is to start. The best things happen to people who are willing to get out of their comfort zones. You won’t know what you can do until you actually do it.
This is your sign to chase your dreams, even if you’re not ready. It’ll give you a chance to figure it out as you go. It’s better to start somewhere than to have never done something.
I hope this list of things to leave behind in the new year resonates with you.
The beginning of a new year is a great time to reflect on things to let go of in life, and parts of your life you want to work on for a healthier, happier you.
While setting goals and new year resolutions are a big part of that, for real change to happen, we need to let go of patterns and habits that won’t support us.
A great exercise to try when you’re setting yourself up for success in the new year is to visualize the best possible version of yourself. Then list down all the things that you need to let go of the become that person.
And remember, just like with every new year, each day comes with the possibility of starting anew.
